Oddly enough, my days of being lonely as a lawyer ended when I started my solo practice.

When I worked for others, I derived neither pleasure nor emotional satisfaction from my relationships with my colleagues. During my experience as a government lawyer and then as a law firm associate, my social contacts were narrowly circumscribed and ranged from simply superficial to downright uncomfortable. So-called watercooler chats and lunches with my immediate peers consisted of dull chitchat. No one ever talked about the things that draw people closer—like commiserating about a memo that had been ripped to shreds by a supervisor or sharing feelings of terror about an upcoming hearing—for fear of appearing incompetent or less than perfect. My relationships with supervisors and law firm partners fared no better; the stratified office hierarchy discouraged me (and others on my level) from initiating lunch dates with my superiors—not that I would have anyway, as every social encounter with them made me feel as if I was on an extended job interview.

After having been immersed in this kind of stunted social environment for five years, I actually looked forward to the solitude of solo practice. But, after a couple months squirreled away as a recluse in my basement office, I found myself craving social contact. Only now, liberated from the structures of an office, I found that I could expand my circle of colleagues and friends from my professional life to include a wider, more diverse, friendlier, and more supportive group than was ever possible in my office days. My circle of friends and colleagues now includes lawyers who practice in a variety of fields, as well as people who aren’t lawyers, and reflects a broad range of age, gender, ethnicity, and location. To gather this new group of friends and colleagues, I had to break many of the long-ingrained rules about socializing, and also had to develop new ways to pursue friendships. Following is a discussion of what I did as a solo to lose the loneliness and gain the sense of connection that had eluded me most when I was working for others.

Forgetting the Old Rules

When working for an organization or even socializing in law school, it’s our nature to gravitate toward those in our age group, professional level, or practice area—a propensity that artificially limits the scope of our social contacts. But solo lawyers, regardless of their ages or practice areas, function as partners and entrepreneurs always looking for ways to improve their businesses and expertise. Suddenly, the range of social possibilities magically expands—a twenty-five-year-old solo just out of law school now holds business partnership in common with the senior partner at the largest law firm in the city; a lawyer running his or her own firm now shares the same interest in running a business as accountants, engineers, and nonlegal personnel with whom he or she may have worked in the past but never identified as potential social contacts. Breaking the confines of the tight social circles impressed upon our profession holds the greatest promise for meeting others as a solo.

That’s certainly been true of my experience as a solo. A couple weeks after I started my solo law practice, I invited a partner at a large firm to lunch so we could discuss an appellate matter where our clients shared mutual interests. Whereas just a few weeks earlier, as a law firm associate, I would have been nervous and self-conscious about making a good impression, now, as the proprietor of my own shop, I could discuss matters and express opinions with the newfound authority that my position conveyed. Since that day, I’ve asked other people my senior to lunch—including some of the partners with whom I dreaded socializing at my old firm. I’ve learned a great deal of substance from these colleagues and, as time has passed, I’ve discovered they have interesting lives outside of the law.

I’ve also learned that most lawyers, no matter their level of expertise, are eager to share their knowledge with those less experienced. Lawyers typically welcome calls from others who have substantive practice questions or who seek advice on where to find the best stationery or restaurants. I won’t say that all lawyers are like this; phone calls and e-mail messages asking for assistance or extending invitations to lunch may yield some curt, “I’m sorry, can’t help you” replies—believe me, I’ve had more than my share of those. It’s just a matter of persisting beyond those few to find the majority of lawyers truly eager to pass on knowledge.

One way to ensure a positive interaction is to ask a colleague for an introduction to another lawyer you want to meet. Even a busy lawyer will make time for your call knowing it was suggested by a mutual contact. Also, many lawyers may not have time for lunch—and when you are starting your practice, you might not have the funds to foot the bill regularly. But you can offer to stop by a lawyer’s office to chat, or meet for breakfast or a midday coffee break. A personal face-to-face encounter generally stimulates more productive discussion than a phone call, and also goes further toward satisfying the craving for contact.

Before long, other lawyers will start calling you for advice—and in fealty to those who helped in the past, you have an obligation to pay it forward. There’s nothing I enjoy more than meeting with someone who is considering a solo practice or just started one. As much advice as I pass along, I find I always come away with new ideas of how to do things. And, of course, I have the privilege of sharing in the excitement of the launch of a new venture, which always rejuvenates my interest in my own practice.

Reaching outside the Law

Some of the most enjoyable contacts I’ve made as a sole practitioner have been with the nonlegal professionals and personnel with whom I work. As an energy regulatory lawyer, I frequently team with engineers, inventors, and project developers; some are clients and others are consultants. I enjoy sharing my legal knowledge and learning about their respective areas of expertise. Consequently, I join trade association meetings and attend lunches for professional societies where I can meet nonlegal professionals. Of course, attending these functions makes for good client development, but it also allows solos to expand their circles of friends and colleagues beyond lawyers.

And there’s no reason to limit contacts to professionals of that type. It’s also good to talk with support staff and inquire politely about how they’re doing. Not only does this improve the working environment, but support staff can also provide a source of work if they’re comfortable enough with a lawyer to bring a case to his or her attention. And for lawyers who work at home, this kind of day-to-day interaction takes on even more importance. They may not have full-time secretaries, but likely work with per-diem paralegals, messengers, or even regular express-delivery persons or copy-shop contacts. If you are one of these lawyers, strike up conversations and soon you’ll feel as though you have your own office community. Moreover, the mere recognition that these scattered people are part of a team that is your practice makes you feel that you’re part of an entity bigger than yourself—which goes a long way toward combating feelings of isolation.

Joining Groups

One way to meet a whole bunch of new people all at once is to take advantage of bar association activities in your area. Generally speaking, the smaller local groups tend to be more collegial, not to mention less expensive, than the larger ones. If time and budget are considerations, and the local groups offer activities of interest to you (which is not always the case for me as an energyregulatory practitioner), then you might want to target your efforts there. Attending lunches and events will certainly help you make connections but really, the best way to get to know people and increase interactions is to assume a leadership role. Personally, though I often don’t have the patience (or, as a part-time solo, the time) for endless committee meetings, I have found that I can bypass this kind of bureaucracy if I’m simply willing to take the lead on arranging a function. Here, too, is another chance to interact with others—you may need to contact potential speakers, finalize plans with committee members, greet attendees (standing at the doorway to shake hands as people enter is a low-key and sociable way to collect new business cards), and engage in any follow-up activities. So don’t be shy about ruffling feathers—dive right in with your ideas and the elbow grease to carry them out. Soon, you may find yourself moving up in an organization, which means you’re visible to other people who’ll want to get in touch with you.

You can also become active in your community and meet others at the same time. Montgomery County, Maryland, where I live, has about sixty citizens committees that deal with issues ranging from education to energy and air quality (my expertise). I’ve been on a county committee for seven years now; the monthly meetings give me a chance to interact with others and, at the same time, to use my expertise to better my community.

Getting out of the House or Office

Sometimes, sitting alone in a basement office or holed up in a corner office in an anonymous suite can make even the most reclusive solo feel cut off from civilization. The solution is not to crawl deeper into the hole, but simply to get out to a place where other people are.

You don’t always need to attend a structured event—like a lunch or bar activity—to meet others. Often, the best encounters happen spontaneously and informally. When I handled court-appointed criminal work, I’d always make it a point to arrive at the lawyers’ lounge an hour before any cases were called, just to chat and joke with the other lawyers. I rarely saw any of those lawyers outside the courthouse, but not every interaction has to end in lunch or a longstanding friendship. In many ways, the lawyers’ lounge was like a neighborhood bar—a place to hang around and socialize simply for the sake of doing just that.

Solos can also go to other places to work, just for a change of scenery and to feel more connected. I cherish my trips to the Library of Congress and local law school libraries, where working alongside students and scholars makes me feel connected. These days, you can even take your laptop or Blackberry to the local coffee shop, just for a change of scenery.

Online Possibilities

One final option for finding camaraderie and support as a solo—and one that did not exist ten years ago when I started my practice—is the Internet. Many state and local bar associations, as well as “specialty bars” such as ATLA and others, offer listservs where members can exchange jokes and advice. Recently, the two-hundred-member Missouri solo and small-firm listserv kicked in several hundred dollars to help a colleague who’d been appointed by the court to prosecute an appeal in Missouri’s highest court. The solo could not afford to pay for photocopying charges or the trip to argue the case, so the group came to the rescue with voluntary donations and offers to help review the brief.

Perhaps the largest and most well known of the lot is the ABA’s seven-year-old listserv, solosez. With membership hovering around one thousand lawyers from all over the country, the list generates a heap of mail daily; really, the only way to manage it is to segregate it in a separate mailbox.

If listservs like solosez or the Missouri bar list existed only as online activities, they’d play a limited role in a solo’s social life. But what’s best about these lists is that their members have brought them to life. The D.C. and Baltimore solosez contingents have monthly lunches, and the Boston group has added one, as well. And solos traveling to other cities can always find a comrade or two to meet for drinks or meals. When my family spent the summer in Birmingham a few years ago, I had lunch with a combined group from the Birmingham “solosezzers” and the Birmingham bar’s small-practice group. On a recent trip to Boston, I met fifteen solos for tapas and sangria at a local restaurant. Before going solo, I always dreaded the stuffy alumni lunches that I attended, where no one carried a business card or cracked a smile. And, at those lunches, there were even speakers to break the awkward silences. At these solo lunches, there’s no planned entertainment—yet introductions and conversations flow freely. Though many of us never met previously, we wind up chatting like old friends.

Another online hobby that’s brought me introductions to others is my Web log, www.MyShingle.com, a site I run for solos, small-firm lawyers, and those who dream of starting firms. There are probably another three hundred lawyers who operate Web logs (blogs) on topics as varied as ethics, appellate law, employment, legal technology, and even what it’s like to be a new bankruptcy associate at a law firm. The group of lawyers who blog is still small and nascent enough that its members share a sense of camaraderie as they pioneer on this Internet frontier. We often write each other notes or highlight posts or news tips. In fact, when I saw that a fellow blogger was slated to give a talk at a library in D.C., I went to see him in person—and what do you know, he invited me to serve as a copresenter! Since then, we made another presentation to the Maryland State Bar Association and we keep each other up to date on our blogs.

Final Thoughts

If you think about it, loneliness is a state of mind. You can, as I did, feel lonely in a work environment though surrounded by others with whom you ought to share some commonality, if only you could scratch below the thick facade. Or, you can strike out as a solo and build a community of colleagues and friends who give support and sustenance against isolation and the frequent pressures of legal practice. That’s the path I chose, and the greatest surprise I discovered was that as a solo, I wasn’t alone anymore.

Tips and Resources That Helped Me

Following are some of the resources that helped me make contacts and break free from the spell of isolation that can plague solos:

• Solosez Listserv: This ABA listserv is open to ABA members and nonmembers alike, at no cost. List membership hovers around one thousand, and though not all members participate, there’s still heavy volume. In addition to serving as a great resource for practice tips and substantive advice, the list offers several opportunities to socialize. Many solos in some of the larger cities hold monthly solosez lunches, and when solos travel to different cities, they often can get together with others on the list. There’s also an annual group swearing-in to the U.S. Supreme Court, so lawyers can get admitted to the Court along with a group of solo colleagues. To sign up for the list, visit www.solosez.com.

• Bar Associations: Find the bar associations in your area and try to select membership based upon the group’s cost and activities. In some locations, the county or city bars may prove most active, while in other locations, the state bar may be preferable. Most bars have sections, and that’s where the real opportunities lie for getting active in planning events.

• Local Groups and Meetings: Read your local newspapers and local business journals. You may learn about meetings that might not be advertised in larger newspapers. In addition, many counties have citizens committees or ethics advisory boards, most of which are eager to have the assistance of lawyers.

If you want to read more, you can order the book at http://tinyurl.com/yqa3bk or purchased selected chapters at http://tinyurl.com/6f5b7n. If you have questions, drop me an e-mail: mark@robertsonwilliams.com

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